Raising Cane

DALLAS BUSINESSMAN ROSS Rolirad is getting ready to do the American drinking public a major favor by importing a magical elixir that confers Eternal Life of the Party upon whosoever shall dip his beak in it.

Whether it’s best classified as a rummish vodka or vodka-like rum, Cane Juice Vodka is easily the best booze ever to come out of the Caribbean. One sip and you can taste the gentle breezes, tropical moonlight, cool rain forests, white sands, and soothing Southern seas.

Rolirad, a Dallas engineer, stumbled upon Cane Vodka while in Belize on vacation, and “stumble” is probably the right word. Three crazed and frolic-filled (yet, hangover-free) days later, he was in love. So with no prior experience in the liquor business, he formed Cane Country Imports and fought the legal battles necessary to import this good stuff into the U.S. and Canada.

Cane Juice is about as “health-conscious” as a hard liquor can get: Rolirad’s distiller uses a special process to eliminate the hangover-producing poisons-those fusel oils, aldehydes, acids, methanols, and propanols which like to get up beside your head. We obtained a largish sample for Objective Journalism Purposes, and it went down so quick and smooth that before we knew it, we didn’t know it, yet woke up the next day, fresh as a pup and able to watch-and comprehend- the Saturday morning cartoons.

Cane Juice Vodka should be available in your package s

tore in May or June, and if it’s not, why, you’re going to the wrong one.